“Be like a sponge when it comes to each new experience. If you want to be able to express it well, you must first be able to absorb it well.” ‒ Jim Rohn
In the highly regarded book, The Go-Giver, author Bob Burg shared the “Five Laws of Stratospheric Success.” The next two building blocks in this series are derived from this book.
No. 6 of 9 is “The Law of Receptivity”. Per The Go-Giver, this law states, “The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.” In reality, this law or principle gives you and me permission to receive. That sounds easy, but it is not. Why? Probably because many of us have a deeply rooted belief that tells us, “giving is good and receiving is less good.”
This paradigm or worldview can be restrictive and cause us difficulty in our life and career. I have found myself expanding the concept in significant ways that are rooted not in “being a giver” but being willing and able to receive what others offer to us. Many of these concepts are broken down below and can be related to a sponge. If the sponge is too full, it has no more room to receive.
As you read through the list below, consider your ability to receive them at this point in your career, as well as consider what might be keeping you from being able to receive them. How’s your receptivity with the following:
Charity (or gifts): How are you at accepting others’ kindness, either in the form of funds, gifts or acts of kindness? Someone I respect greatly once reminded me that my inability to accept a gift of kindness (or charity) was something I need to fix. They stated clearly that when you “fail to accept the gift well,” you insult the giver and you insult their heart and/or their thought behind the giving. I’ve worked hard on this ever since.- Commendation and Encouragement: How are you at accepting kind words of encouragement or praise for a job well done, or for your own thoughtfulness? This really lines up with our ability to receive charity in a very similar way. If I can’t accept someone’s praise of “good shot” or “great chip” on the golf course (even if I don’t believe that my shot was good), I should still accept it and say thanks. This is another one I work hard on.
- Compassion and forgiveness: How are you at allowing others (who are relatively close to you) to know how you’re doing and seeing how you are dealing with challenges? Our ability to show our true selves, being authentically mature with our emotions and feelings, shows us to be approachable and to be coachable. How are you at accepting your mistakes and missteps, owning them and then asking for forgiveness? I have found it’s an awesome freedom to be able to admit and learn from a significant mistake. Especially when I follow this process: 1) accept the responsibility for a mistake; 2) ask for forgiveness; and 3) accept that forgiveness when given.
- Coaching ‒ Correction: How are you at accepting coaching from an authority figure or someone who’s senior to you? However, just because they are “in charge” doesn’t make it easy and it doesn’t always mean they’re right. Even if they’re wrong or off in some way, it doesn’t mean their correction has no value to us. And‒here is a key point‒if they’re taking the risk of sharing it with us, they are showing they value us. This message of “you’re valuable to me” or to the organization may be one of the most important messages we can receive. How often do we miss this message? How often do we fail to give that message to someone who really needs it?
- Coaching ‒ Filtered Constructive feedback: This one may seem to be the same as correction, but I submit it isn’t. This feedback is from a mentor or coach, a friend, a family member, a peer or similar. They are invested in us, care about us and are emotionally attached to our situation. They can provide us with great value in a mentoring style (see Building Block 3 on Maximizing Mentors) because they have context, they know what we’re dealing with, and they know our strengths AND our weaknesses. Often, this is the easiest type of coaching to receive, because we have most likely asked for it or given permission for them to give it.
- Coaching ‒ Unfiltered Constructive feedback: Sometimes even a “bystander” in our life. Depending on the person, they may be invested in our life or our success, or they may just be engaging with us for the first time. We may not have given this acquaintance permission to give us feedback, but that doesn’t mean it has no value to us. Sometimes, this feedback (even though it wasn’t asked for) is the truth we need to hear, even if it hurts a little. Typically, it’s coming from a place of unbiased observation without a lot of context, so it could be off-base too, but again, that doesn’t mean it has no value. With discernment and wisdom, we can still benefit from this kind of feedback.
Spend some time considering the items above. In what areas are you strong and have capacity for receiving? If you have several, good for you. I’m betting all of us have at least one area that we could improve in. If that is true, maybe we can ask what is holding us back from gaining the strength and capacity to receive it. I believe there are some common threads for the areas where we might consistently struggle to “receive well”. These might include:
- Pridefulness
- Lack of worthiness
- Ego
“Invest your time in worthy projects; invest your thoughts toward a worthy purpose; invest your talents toward a worthy occupation; invest your affection toward a worthy recipient; and finally, reserve your greatest respect for yourself, for it is that image … what you perceive yourself to be … that determines the quality of life.” ‒ Jim Rohn
Building on top of the “Always Interviewing” principle (#5 of 9 in the series where someone is always watching and usually they’re keeping score) the Law of Receptivity is a great area to work on in your career, today and every single day. When we authentically display growth in each of the areas noted above, it shows that we are more self-aware and more capable of self-regulation. Those who observe might be a future employer or similar, so it’s worth the effort.
Like the game of golf, our professional life is best played with authenticity, integrity, some courage and with an intentional commitment to making today count. Let’s start being intentional about how we receive and I’ll bet we’ll naturally get better and more effective at giving too.
Monte Koch, PGA Certified Professional/Player Development | Career Consultant
PGA Career Services | PGA of America
Serving PGA professionals, employers in the Pacific NW & Rocky Mountain PGA Sections
Email: [email protected] Cell: 206/335-5260
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