Paradox Series II: The Persuasion Paradox

After starting the Paradox Series in the previous article (focused on the Growth Paradox), we will now consider our next one: The Persuasion Paradox. Let’s not forget that the “paradox” means that the word before it may seem as “a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true.”

The Persuasion Paradox

What do we mean by the word Persuasion? “A process in which one person or entity tries to influence another person or group of people to change their beliefs or behaviors. It is distinct from coercion, in that the people receiving the message have a choice about whether to act on it.”—Kendra Cherry, MSEd on VeryWellMind.com.

We tend to align persuasion with actions like selling, maybe even hard selling, or convincing, coercing or “pulling rank,” with this word. In this context, let’s set those aside. Communication Coach Alexander Lyon states that: “Persuasion is not forcing (coercing), it is not manipulating, or tricking people…persuasion is not communicating a motivational or inspirational message to those who already agree with you…there has to be a possibility that the listener’s minds will be changed.”

As PGA professionals in roles like GM, Director of Golf, Head Professional, and Assistant Golf Professional, we are in the position to be leaders for our “golf community,” be it a daily fee course, a municipal course or a private club. These are all communities of people who “believe” what we believe. They believe in the value of golf, being a golfer, building friendships on the course, LOL’ing with their buddies over a bad shot, and celebrating a chip-in (even if it’s for bogey). For so many golfers, it’s a reason to get out of bed!

As “lead golf believer” in our golf community (as an operator or part of the operational team), we have the responsibility to be leaders who ensure that all stakeholders are given appropriate access, follow the rules (so as not to diminish others’ experience) and so forth. As you know, there are times when we need to be persuasive and not just for us, but for our employer, our teammates, our subordinates and for other golfers/members. So here’s the paradox.

The Persuasion Paradox | “The most persuasive people don’t argue – they observe, listen and ask questions…Persuasion is an art that requires a paintbrush, not a sledgehammer.” 

Sahill Bloom

So how do we approach being persuasive in the right way so we can lead, drive, and promote the right outcome? I believe the paradox is in the delivery. When we approach it as a salesperson “selling an experience,” we tend to rely on tactics versus our beliefs. It’s more about what we know, the facts, the “what” and similar to convince people to “choose us, choose our course, our club and league, our lesson package.” In this context, we rely on what we know. 

Scott Sylvan Bell said this about the Persuader’s Paradox, “Many times salespeople try to use too many sales tactics, strategies or ideas in a meeting. Sometimes it is tough to choose what could be said to help close the deal. This confusion in the sales process leads to hesitation and questions about what should be done in the call. Sales sabotage happens when too much is tried at any given time…The potential client then shuts down or the rejection mechanism is triggered.” 

Paraphrasing Bell in a YouTube video, he says, “…(overuse of tactics) backfires…There’s a scientific reason that causes the brain, when it is overloaded by too many of these tactics/strategies/thoughts to initiate the ‘rejection mechanism.’” Basically, the brain of the listener picks up on this overload and says “no.” One example of this is when the listener/reader concludes, “This just doesn’t add up.” (That means no, and maybe the “gut reaction” is “I don’t like this…”) Looking back, that sounds like me and nearly every young PGA teaching professional in their first year or two of coaching doesn’t it?

Instead, because we are “Lead Believers” in the Golf Experience for our golf community (e.g. The Mayor), let’s move the view from persuading to influencing.

Differentiating influence from persuasion, based on Dr. Robert Cialdini’s book (2016), called Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade. This book outlined a list of seven key principles of persuasion, and established a new pathway for inspiration to marketers, leaders, and more. By writing this book, Robert Cialdini’s influence on the “field of influence” is significant.

Pre-Suasion unpacked the process of helping recipients be more open and receptive to a message before they hear/encounter the message itself. In some ways, the message is the “gift” inside the box, and the box is a wrapped up package delivered to the willing recipient. If you put an average gift in an incredible box, you elevate the gift. A golf professional who delivers bad news about a rule infraction (and penalty) in a way that is tactful, kind, respectful and with a bit of empathy, can flip the potentially negative outcome into a positive future that builds trust with the person being penalized.

Dr. Cialdini did a great deal of study to come to this conclusion. He studied top performers, salespeople, etc. and found that the “top performers spent a lot more time crafting what they do and say before in the pre-suasion message, than what they actually do in the request itself.”

CIALDINI’S 7 PRINCIPLES	A High Level View of the Principle	INFLUENTIAL BEHAVIORS ON DISPLAY FOR GOLF PROFESSIONALS
RECIPROCITY	“Give a little something to get a little something in return…human beings are wired to return favors, even simple kindness…and pay back debts—to treat others in as they’ve treated us.”	Making a customer feel valuedSpeaking to a customer: tone, non-verbals, wording in a way that shows appreciationSharing feedback, especially when corrective in a private, respectful manner
COMMITMENT	“…humans have a deep need to be seen as consistent. As such, once we’ve publicly committed to something or someone, we’re much more likely to go through and deliver on that commitment (hence, consistency).”	Treating all customers/members the same: very good, fairly, with respectApplying the rules, policies consistently; regardless of who they are or are not
CONSISTENCY	“People want their beliefs to be consistent with their values.”	Applying principles of commitment on a daily basis; consistently the same (day to day)Remaining calm, unflappable and approachable no matter the situation, context…leveling
CONSENSUS (SOCIAL PROOF)	“There’s nothing like feeling validated based on what others are doing.”	This isn’t a majority rule situation, it’s guiding based on what is for the “overall good” vs “a small group”Tracking successes and sharing wins so others are inspired
AUTHORITY	“You will obey me! Ever wonder why we have a tendency to obey authority figures, even if they’re objectionable and ask others to commit objectionable acts? It’s human nature!”	To be used only when necessaryPulling rank may leverage respect, but it can “tear down” the value that customers feel (which in turn decreases their loyalty)
LIKING	“The more you like someone, the more you’ll be persuaded by them.”	Being approachable, being likableBeing receptive to new tweaks, ideas…open to exploring themBeing receptive to constructive feedback
SCARCITY	“When you believe something is in short supply…You want it more!”	Fairly communicating when there really is a limited supply, a deadline or similar; while allowing all who should have access the access they deserve
UNITY	“If you feel included, you’re more likely to participate…The Unity principle is the shared identity that the influencer shares with the influencee.”	Helping establish continuity, commitment and context toward the mission, purpose and how it connects all “believers” at the facility as a community

The goal in each of the above would seem to be more influential, less persuasive. This theory suggests that the more people are persuaded in the short term, the less they are influenced in the long term (as persuasion doesn’t build trust like influence does. Want to learn more about influence and persuasion in the area of conflict management, click here: Be Quiet, Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion – YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2vJ9xpcp2Q)

In the next installment of this series, Paradox Series III, we will look in depth at “The Effort Paradox”. If you have some insights and/or wins that you’d like to share with me after reading this article on the differences between Persuasion and Influence, or similar, please reach out to me when you can. If you are seeking any help with your career or similar, please click on the “Book an Appointment on Monte’s Calendar” link below.